Despicable Pleasure
by XoX.Rainbow.Lovin.Lesbo.XoX
Summary: Bella has a secret - a secret that is begging to show through. Impure and pained, will Bella be able to confront her fears? To the Cullens? To the one she loves most? As much as she wants to overcome her fear, can she do so with the worthless thoughts of herself embedded into her mind? The only people who can help her truly are the ones she fears most.


"Bella."

I looked away from the window, meeting Alice's eyes blankly. "We've landed," she urged gently and I nodded, but turned to stare out the window once more. I could hear Edward and Alice conversing in tones much too quiet for my own human ears to pick up, but I assumed they were talking about the way I'd been ever since we'd left Volterra.

Desolate. Blank. Devoid of any emotion. As soon as we'd boarded the plane, I'd carefully bartered my way to a separate seat from theirs.

Cold fingers wrapped around my skinny wrist and I jerked away, sliding through the grasp easily and glancing up. Edward's face was inches from my own. I looked away, heart racing. It was a mixture of emotions. Fear and longing and anger. He reached out to touch me again and I reacted automatically, unbuckling my seatbelt with jerky movements and standing.

"Let's go," I said, my voice tightly strung. Alice glanced at Edward and I looked at my feet, tears welling in my eyes. I followed behind them both, until Alice gently took y hand. I didn't flinch at her contact, leaning closer and hugging her for a short moment. I knew that these would most likely be the last moments I'd get with my best friend. And the love of my life. But I also knew it was for the best.

Too soon, I felt Alice's hand slip from my grasp. I glanced up in time to see her slide to Jasper's side. They didn't embrace, simply took each other's hands and gazed into each other's eyes. It was such an intimate moment, I had to look away.

Esme nearly tackled Edward with her body, enveloping in an obviously crushing hug. "I'm fine, mom," I caught him say to her. I smiled slightly, thinking I'd been forgotten.

Just as I turned away, looking for some kind of exit, I was gently grasped in a hug. "Thank you, Bella," Esme said, kissing my forehead. My eyes welled at the kind gesture and I blinked rapidly to force them down. She led me to where the Carlisle stood, and he also offered me a genuine smile. I didn't understand.

"We owe you one," Carlisle murmured and I shook my head.

"Hardly," I replied, gently disentangling myself from Esme. I glanced around slightly. Edward was talking to Alice in low tones. Jasper was looking at me curiously. I shook it off, crossing my arms and decidedly walking off on my own.

The Cullens didn't own me. Nor did they want me.

No one did.

**~x~X~x~**

I stood outside in the chilly air, rubbing my hands together and zipping up my - Edward's jacket. I breathed in the sweet scent, closing my eyes and pretending for a moment that everything was all right. Even though I knew the truth.

Reality came crashing down. Hard.

I sank to my knees, a sob ripping from my chest. It was late; there weren't too many people to stare at the skinny girl in baggy clothes crying her eyes out. I tried to catch my breath, failing miserably as I wiped the tears from my eyes.

"Bella.." I gasped, glancing up. Emmett stood there, an almost adorable heartbroken expression on his face. I managed a weak, but completely false smile for him. He saw right through it and moved to pick me up.

I scrambled back, shaking my head and trembling. He looked shocked, a bit hurt, but more shocked than anything. Please, please leave me alone, I begged mentally.

I stood, wiping myself off and looking away as Emmett looked at me critically. "Everythin' all right?" He asked, suspicion seeping into his tone. I nodded, closing my eyes and sighing as I waved down a taxi.

"Fine," I said stiffly, checking my pockets. My jeans were bare of any cash or money in any form. Emmett seemed to see my distress and dug around in his pockets, handing me a couple of bills. I looked down in my palm, to see several twenties.

"Emmett," I protested, frowning. "I'm only going to Forks. Not to New York." He shook his head, managing a small smile.

"Keep it," He insisted and I nodded, tearing up once again. This time, I let a tear escape. Emmett stepped forward, embracing me quickly and firmly and stepping away before I could flinch. I wiped the tears, but the dam seemed to have broken, and my cheeks were suddenly dripping.

"Don't go yet, Bella," Emmett said, golden eyes pleading. "Please." I shook my head, catching a glimpse of Esme's caramel colored hair as she stepped out of the airport. I turned around, preparing to step in the taxi cab when I spotted him. A man, across the street, his dark eyes on me, face absent of any expression.

So familiar. So dark.

I froze, lips parting in a shriek that made my own blood curl. And then I was lost to darkness.

**~x~X~x~**

_He slapped me - hard. I gasped in pain, head snapping to the side at the force of his hit. Rough hands swept over my body, violating me in every possible way. I whimpered in obvious discomfort._

_Leaning in, he cut off my noise of pain with a violent kiss. His tongue forced its way into my mouth, hot breath making me gag. I whined and tried to pull away to no avail. Finally, I bit his lip hard enough to taste blood, slapping my hands against his chest._

_It surprised him enough to let me go and I scrambled away, crawling and trying to get to my feet. It was useless, worthless. He caught me by my waist, pulling me back and shoving me on the ground, pinning me tightly. I cried silently, a scream building in my throat as he groped my most personal areas._

_Wasting no time, he shredded my clothes, pulling them off and not saying anything as he leaned down and bit my lip roughly, hands gripping me waist._

_"No one wants you," He hissed. "You dirty little slut. You're nothing. No one wants you." I fell silent, my lips trembling at the hard blow._

_I was nothing._

_And no one wanted me._


End file.
